La Fin Du Monde

Today I'm heading down to the Greater Hartford Jazz Festival- Hartford may have its share of problems, but it's a pretty decent place to hear good jazz. There's a lot of talent knocking around the Nutmeg state. I'm hoping to hear one rendition of Brazil- one of my favorites. At any rate, the sun is out, the breeze is blowing, the grass is green, and I'm sitting here at the keyboard. I should be at the gym- it's been a while, been a strange year, and my weight has kind of bounced around- at this point I could stand to lose about 10 pounds- that's my goal for this and next month. I was at the gym a couple days ago for the first time in quite a while, but I was glad to see I can still bench press my own weight. (That's with the extra 10 pounds). Good motivation to lift- the music that's always playing in gyms, probably to help keep you awake and going, was Yes. I don't know what the name of the song was, but for some reason I can't stand Yes. Yes pisses me off. Being pissed off and lifting weights is a good combination, as long as you don't overdo it and pull a muscle. I'm now debating whether or not I should try and be pissed off about something every time I go down there. But it's going to be hard finding that much to be pissed off about on at least a weekly basis. I also detest Roxanne- I think it's by Sting. So here's an idea- get together all the songs I can't stand and listen to them on headphones while I work out. It would probably save time, too- I'd go like hell the sooner to be rid of the music.

La Fin Du Monde

La fin du monde, as it were, and here’s how it all comes down-
Somewhere over Cleveland, we gave up hope, the
Giant goddess called in a voice of UN Resolutions, the End Is Here, don’t fight the

Inevitable,
Tonight the snow is falling, we are Babylon, we are it, baby!
Forming the forefront of every waking thought, we move
Roll on, motion is the only constant- change
I hear in the background, continuous news feeding into the synapse, the
Chemical release driving you back to reality, then further,back to insanity,

drain the bottle and hope the
Next fix is soon, I told the masses I stopped going to church, and the men in suits lined

up to shake my hand
Are you now
Alerted to a pattern? See it behind the
wallpaper of a new era, sun-lit and terrible? What new beast
Will lurch towards unknown realms seeking rebirth in the karmic decision that is
Now? I got up early despite no night’s sleep, stepped to the edge of oblivion, the same as every day, and shouted,
“HEY MAN, WHAT’S GOING ON? and
No answers, only the static radio carrier wave hiss of your empty smile
Greets me each day and so it is that

Death is a luxury not given to me-

Time to clock in, the sun is up
Again

A Town Called Panic

I figured I'd start a new blog- we can rebuild it, make it stronger and faster than before, or whatever it is. A little change of format, but still your humble narrator sharing the fascinating moments of his life. Thought I'd include a little more about the other family members too- cool people to a one. Or three, as the case may be. At any rate the neat little linky thing is
http://towncalledpanic.blogspot.com/
The name comes from a bizarre little series of short films I happened to come across- no particular significance, just liked the name, and it seemed to sum up my dear family. The films themselves are available for your viewing pleasure at www.atomfilms.com . Kind of like watching Gumby on crystal meth... I'll do my level best to keep bringing you, dear readers, the same high-quality nonsense, typos and general blathering you've become accustomed to at both of these fine establishments. Stay well, and happy surfing!

Once Again Unto the Fray

Back again! Things are a lot different than previously- let's see, I graduated school, have yet to pass the state CDL test yet, (emphasis being on yet) spent about a week in the hospital with severe depression, got out of the hospital, kind of picked up the pieces, did the usual amount of mental evaluation one does when coming out of a rough patch like that, got a part-time job selling pools, patio furniture and the like while trying to keep the house clean and studying for a retest. This time, it's personal. So that's what's been going on, at least in my life. My wife is waiting on the birth of our second baby, one Emma Patricia. She's due any time now, so we're all waiting nervously. I'm sure mom and baby will be fine. I get a day off from work, though. I like my job, but it does get surprisingly tiring. Pools are not really as complicated as they may seem- the basic design and function of a recirculating water and filtration system is pretty much the same across the board. While installing their pools, however, I find people have adapted to their yards with incredible PVC-and-hose monstrosities that I get the excitement of advising them on, replacing or repairing when something goes off. Necessity really is the mother of invention- some of these ideas are really pretty ingenious. At any rate, as soon as the Connecticut DMV deigns to grant me a new test date, I'll be at the other end of the loading dock. Life is what happens while you're making other plans, as they say.

On the Road

This song has been on my mind a lot lately- the more I listen to these lyrics, the more sense they make:

Box of Rain
(Words by Robert Hunter)

Look out of any window
any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is shining
birds are winging or
rain is falling from a heavy sky -
What do you want me to do,to do for you to see you through?
this is all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago

Walk out of any doorway
feel your way, feel your way
like the day before
Maybe you'll find direction
around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you-
What do you want me to do,
to watch for you while you're sleeping?
Then please don't be surprised
when you find me dreaming too

Look into any eyes
you find by you, you can see
clear to another day
Maybe been seen before
Through other eyes
on other days
while going home
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
It's all a dream we dreamed
One afternoon long ago

Walk into splintered sunlight
Inch your way through dead dreams
to another land
Maybe you're tired and broken, your
tongue is twisted with words half spoken
and thoughts unclear
What do you want me to do,
to do for you, to see you through?
A box of rain will ease the pain
and love will see you through

And it's just
a box of rain,
wind and water-
Believe it if you need it,
if you don't just pass it on
Sun and shower, wind and rain
In and out the window
Like a moth before a flame

It's just a box of rain
I don't know who put it there
Believe it if you need it,
or leave it if you dare
But it's just a box of rain
or a ribbon for your hair
Such a long, long time to be gone
And a short time to be there

A longtime fan of surrealism, I found this particularly apt- ever feel like somehow, somewhere, the real world left you behind? We should be so fortunate as these folks, to have a spaceship to take us away- OLD JOKE- did you hear what happened to the Heaven's Gate people? They found some more of them under the sink, behind the Comet. Stay well, everyone!!

Important Rules of the Road

As time goes on, I have found many helpful suggestions for new drivers- here is a more or less comprehensive list- hope you find this illuminating-

THINGS TO KNOW WHEN DRIVING

1.No, you are not allowed to watch South Park while operating a motor vehicle.
2.My CB handle should not, under any circumstances, be Princess Anastasia.
3.Do not threaten your dispatch personnel with black magic.
4.Do not play “Pulp Fiction” with a water pistol at the truck stop or test course- it will lead to trouble.
5.Do not add “In accordance with the prophecy” to the end of all CB communications.
6.Do not send your boss’ picture to America’s Most Wanted.
7.You cannot purchase anyone’s soul on company time.
8.Do not recruit others for your cult on company time/over the company communications channel.
9.Do not join any militia on company time.
10.Do not form any militia on company time.
11.God cannot contradict a company order to pick up a load.
12.Do not perform your (now infamous) “Barbie Girl Dance” while operating a motor vehicle.
13.Do not call your company’s recruiting rep immoral, untrustworthy, lying slime even if it is true.
14.Do not tell any fellow driver you are smarter than they are, even if it is true.
15.No other driver is after “me frosted Lucky Charms”.
16.You are not allowed to have flashbacks to any war you were not involved in, especially while operating a motor vehicle.
17.Time off requests for religious reasons involving the imminent end of the world will only be honored once.
18.I am not authorized to fire drivers of companies I do not work for.
19.Dancing on the hood of a truck is not an acceptable way to complain about company policy, especially while said vehicle is in motion.
20.I cannot, under any circumstances, trade my cargo for magic beans.
21.“The Giant Space Ants” do not give me orders to drive to Mexico and sell my cargo for magic beans.
22.There are no evil clowns hiding in the sleeper bunk.
23.The evil clowns are not included in any chain of command, however firmly I may avow their existence.
24.I am not allowed to conduct psychological warfare on drivers for other companies using any of the above.
25.Sock puppets are not my representatives to management.
26. Sock puppets cannot be held responsible for any of my actions.
27.I am neither the king, nor queen, of cheese.
28.An evening dress is not appropriate attire for meeting with receiving personnell, even if it is a Dior.
29.Police officers and/or Federal DOT officers are not there to give new drivers candy, and it is not okay to tell new drivers and/or Federal DOT officers that they are.
30.I am not authorized to change traffic laws in any state. Ever.
31.I am not legally authorized to arrest anyone, even if I do have handcuffs.
32.I cannot sell stock in any company I do not work for, and cannot accept commissions from said sales.
33.No part of the truck is edible.
34.No driver “charges into battle naked, like the Celts”.
35.I am not the Emperor of anything.
36.Do not attempt anything you saw in the movies and/or a cartoon.
37.Do not make s’mores on the engine block. Especially while the truck is moving.
38.The “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Inspection” are not to be combined for any reason.
39.Do not make up humorous things to put on your inspection report- i.e. “flux capacitor grinds gears when engaged”, “soup dispersal unit appears to be off-line”, “gnome who lives in dashboard displays surly attitude”, “wish-granting switch causes unforeseen emergency stop”, etc.
40.The parking brake should never be confused with the “wish-granting switch”.
41.Explosions are not funny- real or imagined.

Hope this helps- stay well and sane, everyone!!

Ain't No Mountain High...

Looks like the first major snowfall has come to our fair town- most of my Saturday was spent clearing the driveway- my neighbor stopped by to ask my advice on a broken-down snowblower- I can manage to check/change oil and belts in most motor vehicles, but unfortunately this proved beyond my admittedly limited technical knowledge. Better to seek a professional opinion, I advised, than to have me potentially make it worse. I was relying on the old formula of snow shovel combined with much elbow grease. Time consuming, yes, but reliable as long as I hold out. Machines, I've found, are unlike people, and for that matter a Windows operating system, in that if there's something wrong, it's usually for a reason. Correct the problem and the machine will run. But people are not machines. And PCs are a world unto themselves.
But on a completely unrelated note, I'm thrilled to welcome aboard our newest crew member on the old Ship Of Fools, none other than one Emma Marguerite- named after my wife's grandmother. The young gal is due to join us at the end of June, and both mom and baby are doing pretty well. Mom is understandably tired, but we think this will be our last. I'm pretty excited, though I have a suspicion her and her big brother are going to be trouble. Apart from this, things proceed slowly but surely. I'm hoping to set up a test date for my class A license in the very near future. I got to drive the oldest and most eccentric truck in the school fleet last week- an 8-speed double-gated transmission a good deal older than I am, with a woefully underpowered engine, no shocks to speak of, and a dodgy clutch. Old 485, as it's (in polite circles) called, referring to the registration number. Of course, it was love at first shift. The steering is surprisingly responsive- apart from a ride like amateur night at the rodeo, turns are easy and tight. Now if I could just get my @#$%^ maneuvers down pat, we'd be in business! But in time, and with continued hard work, it will come. It's not how many times you get knocked down- you're only beaten when you don't get back up again.

Divine Gift

As if life itself were
some divine gift,
But you know better in your solitude, hard-won
The journey terrified you, made you stagger in your own
strength
looking and under it all not surprised to find that
inside your shell of ugliness, you had
more than enough to break down doors, rip through walls,
bring down the cinder blocks with your raw and scraped hands
You went without a coat in the cold, you
wanted to find out what cold was, to run those
now-scarred hands over it, you realized it was
all just another word for how much
shit you take and how much you dish out
The only one who has it is you
The only one who is it is you
When you’re still standing when the sun rises over you
try not to act too surprised.