Saturday at the Movies

I figured I'd try something different today- I can recall, as a boy, being glued to the tube every Saturday afternoon to catch the afternoon horror flick on channel 20. Hey, we didn't have cable, and down here in the Crypt, we still don't. More to do with high cable prices than finances at this point, I'm happy to say, but that's largely incidental. The point being, your humble friend and Crypt-keeper has seen more films than is good for him, so I figured I'd pass on my brain-melting hours of film watching for the discerning viewer. Though my primary area of expertise is horror films, I'll try my level best to keep it interesting. So here goes...
Today's film is the effects-driven Skinned Deep. Definitely not for everyone, those Fangoria fans among us are definitely in for a treat. This almost makes up for the horrendous acting and complete absence of a plot in this cinematic stinkbomb. It has all the typical elements of the stock horror film- family of freaks in the middle of nowhere, nigh-idiotic family that stumbles into the middle of things, and sole surviving heroine. At this point, the film descends into the depths of "holy crap, that's dumb." We are introduced to a roster of bizarre characters, and I personally was unsure if I should be laughing or not. Plates, played by the definite talent in this film, Warwick Davis, late of the Harry Potter films, uses (you guessed it) plates as a projectile weapon. You really have to see it to get the full effect of a short man winging plates at people. As this suggests, some of the scenes are pretty hilarious, intentional or not. But apart from the phenomenal prosthetic makeup effects and really dumb stuff, this movie is pretty much nonstop blood and gore, and not a lot else. I won't give away the ending, as I'm almost certain I fell asleep watching this anyway, but suffice it to say, if you like this kind of film, (and you know who we, I mean you, are) be prepared for laughs and a good time checking out the really outstanding makeup effects. I'll try and keep this a weekly thing, unless everyone completely hates it, in which case it's back to the drawing board. But at any rate, I'd advise passing by this one if horror films aren't your thing. If they are, then prepare for a treat. Oh, and watch out for older women sticking things on your foreheads. Enough said.

In the Valley of the Kings

Quickly I arose and descended

from my point of vantage

Entering the thronging crowd, the

knowledge that I had a

Vital part to play, yet

not knowing or

understanding what it was...

Around me on all sides the

crowded bazaar, the laughs and

Calls of strange-clad men and women,

Deep into those shadowed recesses of streets

Where sunlight never penetrates the gloom

Smoke, hanging, forms a pall above

doorways, darker still

Onwards, borne by some

strange impulse beneath

Awareness, on I went, joined

Silently by others

Bent our steps together, always

Man the unit, never

Man the masses-

To that place we went, together but alone

To that place we came, from winding streets and shifting sands

We were there